March 25, 2014

How To Lose A Girl in 10 Minutes

Not in any specific order but yes, this is how to lose a girl in roughly 10 minutes right after meeting her.

Tell her she's fat. Let me start by saying, frack your body standards. I mean when you came up front with something like you thought she "was left alone in the kitchen", in Tagalog it's napabayaan sa kusina aka obviously a fat kid, did you really expect her to laugh? No woman enjoys being called fat, regardless if it's true or not, factual or supposed to be a compliment. It's not ever going to sound right EVER so how about you just come up with another remark, pronto. 

Tell her she looks like she's given birth or with children already. Adding insult to an obvious injury, you just happen to come up with this, too. Now, no offense meant to all my hot mamas out there but if you're a girl you sure know how and why this is extremely offensive especially coming from someone, some guy even, you just met. He thought I already have kids because of my figure - his words, not mine. How bloody brilliant is that. I can say a lot of things about you for saying this to my face but most of them aren't really nice so I'm just going to leave it. Again, frack your body standards.

Ask her if she's living with her parents. I don't even know this will make me cringe until I had to answer the question myself. Good thing I answered yes, because with the rate this conversation is going, if ever I said I was living on my own you would probably skip the next item and ask for my address instead. Somebody say, uhm, creeps.

Ask for her number. I know we're in the 20th century where asking for one's number is no big of a deal already. I surprised myself actually, that it IS still a big deal for me considering I am not a chatter and not a fan of phone calls altogether. Now there is a polite way to ask, maybe how he asked for mine is even polite by his standards, who knows... but maybe this is just me being uncomfortable with the whole idea of giving some guy I just met an access to my personal life after relentlessly saying I was fat in my face.

Let her pay for the both of you. C'mon, seriously? At least offer your share. Or say no. Because from my end, it was a polite gesture considering, but clearly on your end, it's a welcome entitlement. Usually, it doesn't bother me who pays for who, but considering we just met and you soon will call me a fat girl in my face, I thought you would've considered not taking up on my offer. C'mon, man...

I am obviously speaking from an unlikely experience with some guy I met randomly. Most of them may appear too shallow or super superficial for you, maybe even biased at some point but it's all true, unfortunately for you and me. I don't know about you but I feel quite sad about the whole thing, hurt even. I can't seem to ignore the fact that it bothers me how it's done these days: the boy meets girl bit. Because just in case you haven't noticed, I am a sucker for chance encounters, happy accidents, what have you, I obsess about it. So this time, I feel rather offended that it did not live to any of my ideals.Whatever happened to once upon a real time.

However, if I'm being honest, I think it's about time I slowly let go of whatever it is that has kept me holding on to it for so long. I think it's about time I learn that while some chance encounters are dreamy, most of them are just that - a plain chance encounter, period.

image from the web

On a totally unrelated but in the want of ending this on a positive note... The 1975, #notapopband from Manchester, England is coming to the Philippines and that is why I am a very happy fangirl right now. This is a line from their song "Heart Out" which is one of my favourites! Catch them #LiveAtAyalaMalls this weekend! Check out the hashtag on Twitter and Instagram to find out more about the venue and schedule. See you there, love. //
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