February 01, 2012

At Least A Hulahoop Still Fits

"Anorexia is a disease. It is not a fashion statement." - Brooke Davis, OTH Season 5. Thus this shout out yet and again,"Mabuhay ang mga Brooke Davis sa mundo!"

No better way to start than to show you a photo of myself taken last August 2009.

So yeah. Needless to say, I struggled with weight issues all my awkward years in highschool and college, or you can say almost half of my life.

In highschool, I had to wear the same style of prom dress for two consecutive years because I was too afraid to experiment on what seemed to be an unlikely fit for a Prom Queen body. Worst was during college though when I would dread shopping for clothes because it came to a point when I felt that I was being ridiculed by the staff whenever I ask for bigger sizes. True story. It was also then when I refused to wear a pawn costume for a parade which resulted into a row with one of my friends because I already feel ridiculous without the pawn costume on, I cannot even begin to imagine how I can pull that one off without adding too much of an insult to a very obvious injury. I also developed a fear towards weighing scales and never really had the courage to step on one to have my weight checked until my company required it for health insurance purposes later in my life. I still did not take a look at it, I just had myself weighed. It was borderline traumatic. I couldn't be more thankful I survived that phase without doing anything worse than begging someone to give me some prescribed medicine to get out of my dilemma in an instant which I eventually regretted. But between dealing with all those and an easy way out, you cannot blame me if I did wanted and opted for an easy way out.

I was never the theprettyone nor thethinone. Heck not even thefunnyone or thesmartone. I have always been thechubbyone, if not thefatone. And I have always been okay with that. For a while I was holding back since I was a delusional rebel who thought of indulging the critics by embracing them instead of defying them. My mindset then was since you all think I'm thefatone already, I might as well dress the part. That maybe when I make it look like I'm not affected and bothered at all, which at that time I honestly wasn't, they'd stop and let me be. I kept on drinking soda and wasn't really mindful of my food intake. Watch your diet what? I was a slave for fast food meals and guilty of eating just for the sake of. I have lived a very unhealthy lifestyle and soon enough I was just plainly that - unhealthy. And it took me a long while to realize I have to do something about it - that I want to do something about it.

And that is also why I think that losing weight, like most of the things in one's life, should be all about you and not about other people. It's a decision you have to make, declare and commit every fiber of your being to because if not, what's the point. I remember Andi Eigenman saying the same thing. She decided to lose weight when she realized she wasn't happy with her body anymore. The clothes she'd love to wear won't look good on her and that's when she said enough, I'm going to lose weight from now on. Do something about it because it will make you feel a lot better about yourself and not because you're expecting other people to be pleased if you happen to fall right smack into their specifications.

I never planned on losing weight. No diet regimen or whatsoever. No specific exercise routine. It just kind of happened. It was only when I wasn't comfortable with myself anymore and how I looked when I started wanting to do something about it. And just like everything else in life too, if something's meant to be, it will happen eventually. I may have exerted a bit of an effort on my side too but I realized it was greatly my lifestyle that has changed and resulted to a healthy looking me. It wasn't forced. It wasn't done because of pressure. It wasn't imposed on me. It was a personal choice - a life changing one at that.

While I appreciate comments about me losing weight it's not something I look forward to hearing. Don't get me wrong. It's refreshing but nothing more than that. What I really don't get though is the infamous situation between a person whom you haven't seen in a long while and then all they can say when they finally see you is: "Tumataba tayo ha?" I mean, seriously. I'm sure you can do a lot better than that. There's "How are you?", which power you shouldn't underestimate by the way, or whatever, just skip that part. Pleeeease. Trust me, it's never a good idea to bring that up and it will never be. Nobody appreciates being told that they are fat. Even if it's true. Even if you mean it is as a compliment. Nobody. Especially if you know the person wouldn't actually feel flattered hearing it. I have been in that situation a million of times in the past. It's not a very pretty feeling being on the receiving end of it all. Whoever that person is for sure made an effort to look good before coming out of the door that day then all people can come up with is such comment! It's a little rude, don't you think? Be mindful of your words and your actions. Nobody else is looking out for you because right now everyone else is just looking for second chances.

At the end of the day though, as long as you are comfortable and one with who and what you see in the mirror, then we're all good. As long as the hulahoop still fits then we'll just be fine. Naysayers be damned.

But if and when you find out otherwise, you know it! Let the hulahoopin' times begin!

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