03 december 2011
alone. in one corner of a cafe just a twenty-minute-walk away from my workplace. don't ask why. it's one of the things i just have to do for and with myself. with no apparent or logical reason. i already spent a good half an hour walking around the mall by myself. it has always been therapeutic for me. so now for the second part, a cuppa coffee. for and with myself.
first thing i did was to check my favorite corner, someone beat me to it. there's already an opened book and a whole pad of paper on the table but no one's around. what are the odds. there's an arab lady reading a magazine with a Christmas drink in the opposite corner. a couple of lads seated on the area outside plainly chatting. i headed to the counter and my fave barista was there to take my order. i kind of miss giving out my name to have it written on my cup and brag about misspelling it after. it's not the same here, they call out your coffee as it is: one tall toffee nut latte with extra caramel whip.
the cafe isn't crowded so it's not going to be hard shutting the world before me and creating one of my own in 30 minutes. i sat there on the couch, headset on, cuppa joe in one hand, pen on the other, mind elsewhere, i was on my own in every sense of the word.
let the anti-socializing begin.
While the term anti-social can be deceiving, don't let it fool you. Because that's just what happens to me when I choose to shut down the world before me and enter one of my own. It's where being an anti-social stops being such a negative thought and becomes my twisted definition of alone time. Which I find extra amusing when done in public places, coffee shops, amusement parks, fast food chains, etc. I did say a twisted definition sooo...
In case you're wondering if my anti-socializing ended up successfully, here's what happened:
1) I figured why you don't try western ways on Jaihoers, you just don't. I asked a kiddo if she wanted an m&m while we were standing next to each other waiting for the signal to turn green. Her mother declined my offer and was quick to say no. I understand the little girl's got cough but what set me off was the plain "no" response sans any pleasant emotion. C'mon now, woman. In case you didn't notice, I was trying to be nice. apparently, you're too busy trying not to be. Noted and appreciated. I shall never ever try thy western ways on you, Jaihoers. You never fail to disappoint.
2) I learned about the reason why I never choose latte over frappuccino before. Latte will take extra everything. Extra time to cool down from hot to tolerable hot. Extra companion to talk to while you wait for the tolerable hotness level. Extra effort to finish since it can get pretty overwhelming down the stretch. so, that's why. Keyword is extra. something I cannot afford.... just yet. That's why it's always been frappe.
3) I realized that a mall without a bookstore inside is a mall not worth going to. Or at least a mall not worth spending my afternoons at. Never again.
4) I fully embraced the walker in me. I am such a walker. I walk to my work. To the mall when it's possible. Then walk around inside it some more. To the grocery store across instead of just ordering in. there's something about being a walker that makes a lot of what i am. Whatever that means.
5) How a pair of earphones on you can be such a powerful weapon! I'm not saying no one will try to go against the power it has to shut people out, because apparently lots of them will still try. But at least you've got an excuse for your I-could-not-care-less face and it will be justified.
When I stepped out of the coffee shop and headed back to my workplace, I knew deep inside my head this ain't going to be the first and last. This thing is going to happen again if only for and with myself. I'd probably end up doing this over and over again, once a month perhaps now that I've started. Maybe inside a bookstore next? Hmm. This is going to be an addiction, if not a habit, or new favorite hobby.
I leave you with this. I found out about this video today, while randomly browsing thru blogs. And then it hit me. How appropriate. This entry's been on draft for a week now, I found it lacking of something. Well, not anymore.
Solitude is blessed. Alone is okay.
Alone. Is. Okay.